Adding a Sibling Doula to Your VBAC Birth Team

The planning that goes into a VBAC is extensive, I’ve been there. You’re finding the right provider and hiring a birth doula, maybe a postpartum doula, too. You’re scheduling extra care appointments like chiropractors and pelvic floor physical therapy. You’re doing so much research, educating yourself and your partner, making decisions about birthing preferences and… you’re getting ready to add another family member to your crew. It’s A LOT.

One thing that doesn’t get talked about all that often, but I know is on your mind and to-do list (because it was on mine)… “who is going to take care of my toddler while I’m in labor?” Whether you have one soon-to-be Big Kid or more, I know the worries that accompany that thought.

I remember planning my VBA2C, with no family in the area and very few friends, wondering and worrying how the timing would work out. I adore my older kids like every mama, but I knew my full attention would need to be on coping with labor, not handing out another snack or finding the missing piece of the Paw Patrol puzzle.

In my case, we had to rely on a friend to be available at the last minute and my parents’ ability to drive seven hours to be there for our kiddos. It all worked out fine in the end, but… I sure wish I would have known about the unique care of sibling doulas.

I see you, mama, and I know you’re already emotional about how things will change when the new baby arrives. I think you’ll love this deep dive into sibling doulas, and how they can provide the most special experience for your Big Kids during your labor and as the family transitions postpartum.

What is a sibling doula?

A sibling doula is a support person for your older kiddo or kiddos. This is someone whose entire focus is to be available and present for your children while you are in labor and potentially postpartum. A sibling doula is someone who is trained as a doula, understands the scope of being on-call and is educated in the physiology of birth and the birthing process (and knows how to talk about it).

This is someone who offers individualized care and support for your first baby (or babies) as they await the arrival of their new sibling.

What kind of support do they provide?

While there isn’t typically extra training to become a sibling doula, the certification process and education a birth or postpartum doula receives, plus any additional training they have in childcare and education makes them a valuable part of your birth team. Sibling doulas provide support by…

Preparing siblings for birth – Doulas understand birth and can explain the birthing process in an age-appropriate way as well as anticipate and answer questions little minds may be curious about.
Offering emotional support – A new baby joining the family is a big deal. And big deals often lead to big emotions. Doulas are well-equipped to hold space, validate and support all the feelings, even for little ones.
Acting as a resource for parents – Doulas act as a bridge to other forms of care. They have wide networks in the virtual world and your local community. They may suggest other types of resources based on their observations with your family, and you can always ask for recommendations for things like mental health counseling, childcare, pediatricians and more.
Providing continuous support during labor – Doulas commit to and are used to being on call and being present for the duration of labor. A sibling doula, specifically, will perform practical tasks (like preparing meals, wake and bedtime routines, playtime and more) for the Big Kids so mom and dad can focus on labor.
Facilitating sibling involvement in labor – Doulas have a special way of empowering others to support the laboring mama. They may suggest big siblings offer mom small bites of a snack, refill her ice water or choose just the right songs from her labor playlist.
Providing postpartum care – You may hire a sibling doula with a package that includes some postpartum hours. Having another set of hands, eyes, ears and hugs around to solely focus on these big siblings can go a long way in helping them feel connection and attention, too.
Assisting with family transition – A sibling doula has a bird’s eye view of your family as a whole, seeing each individual member’s needs and suggesting ways that everyone can feel connected through the transition. Your doula may offer additional resources, facilitate conversation or family activities and provide day-to-day support that gives you the time and space to focus on connecting with your family, Big Kids especially.

Differences Between a Sibling Doula and a Babysitter

At this point you’ve probably figured it out, but just in case… sibling doulas are not the same as a traditional babysitter, nanny or family member watching your kiddos. While all of those roles are helpful and valuable, a sibling doula is more unique for a variety of reasons.

Sibling doula supporting a big kid during VBAC birth

They understand the on-call lifestyle.
They understand and can talk about the birthing process.
They value birth and postpartum experiences.
They are trained in offering informational, emotional, and physical support around birth.
They don’t leave until you’re ready for them to leave (or an agreed-upon arrangement has been made).

Benefits of Hiring a Sibling Doula

Not only will hiring a sibling doula offer you peace of mind, which I know is worth plenty in itself, but it will benefit your family in so many additional ways. Sibling doulas offer the kind of support that allows you to be fully engaged in labor and birth while also feeling totally confident that your older children are cared for, educated and practically supported. This kind of support helps reduce your stress and gives your children individual connection, both things that will provide for a smooth transition as your family grows.

Tips for Hiring a Sibling Doula

Start your search early – A doula’s schedule fills up several months in advance. View this role as an integral part of your birth team and find one in enough time to help you feel prepared.
Ask good questions – Make sure you meet and interview doulas for this important role. Ask about their past experiences as a doula and with children. And don’t be afraid to ask for references from past clients. You can find more suggestions for interviewing doulas here.
Introduce them before labor starts – One key to a successful sibling doula relationship is introducing them to the family early on. The first time your kiddos meet this person should not be when you’re in labor but sometime around your 36 week mark. Ensure your doula includes at least one prenatal visit with their package as an opportunity to get to know the family. You may even consider hiring them on for some babysitting hours to really help them feel like a comforting, familiar face to your Big Kids.
Set expectations – Any good relationship relies on setting clear expectations, and the same is true for adding a doula to your birth team. Be very clear, even right away in the interview, about your family dynamics, your kids’ particularities, what kind of support you’re looking for and how you’re hoping a sibling doula can help.
Bring them back – If your family had a positive experience with your sibling doula, hire them for postpartum hours. This is someone who has helped your kiddos through a major life transition, so having them come back when things still don’t feel “normal,” can really help those Big Kids feel comforted and confident.

Finding a Sibling Doula

Again, there isn’t a specific certification for sibling doulas, but many birth and postpartum doulas offer sibling doula services as well. The first place to look is our Find a Doula Directory, which allows you to search for a VBAC-trained doula in your community. View their website or reach out and ask if they offer sibling doula packages. We LOVE our doulas!

You could also find a sibling doula by asking your friends or other parents in your community (from school, church or groups). And your local social media groups can be a big help – groups for moms, pregnancy, birth, childcare and more are great places to get recommendations.

As always, my strong friend, I will leave you with this affirmation and reminder…

We’re so grateful to be on this journey with you!

Don’t forget to join our Facebook community, follow-us on Instagram, check out our Parents VBAC and HBAC Education course and give our podcast a listen where lots of incredible women share their VBAC journeys.