Our first babies, no matter how grown they are, are going through a lot as they prepare to become big siblings. This transition from littlest to biggest is an important and often delicate transition, so today, I want to dedicate this space to our first little (soon to be big) kiddos.
Just like there are things we do to prepare for our VBAC (good read here), I’ll be sharing eight tips to prepare your big kids for your new VBAC baby arrival. And it just might help you prepare a little, too, mama.
I’ve been a bit emotional lately, and I think some of you might be able to relate. Our family is transitioning from three to four littles. My 2VBA2C baby just turned six months, and I’m still trying to figure out how to split my time and attention among four kiddos. Every time you add a new baby, there’s a transition period for everyone including your other kids.
With the addition of each new babe (whether it was my second, third or now, fourth), I have a constant reel of emotions (sorry to say, it doesn’t get easier!) wondering how my older kids will transition – what must they be thinking, how will this baby change our relationship, what kind of a big sibling will they be, will they know we love them just as much as we did before. The wondering and worrying, it’s tough on us all.
Woman of Strength, this is such a big transition for your whole family. Before we dig into the logistics of all this, remember, you were made to mother these children, ALL of them, EVERY one of them. You know what you’re doing, and you’re all going to navigate this beautifully. In hopes of making things just a little easier on you, here are some ideas for a smooth transition.
1. Build your BOOK collection
Reading books to your child about experiences in their life helps them connect concepts, understand what is happening and overcome potential fears. Reading with your child is also such a great way to build connection, foster conversation and enhance understanding. We recommend reading these books as soon as you become visibly pregnant (which is a good time to tell them you’re expecting). Time (and becoming a big sibling) is a very abstract concept for little ones. Reading with them will help them start to understand what is going to happen when the new baby arrives.
A few of our favorite books…
We also really, really love this adorable Just One Me book + stuffy kit. This is definitely something you want to order and gift before baby arrives, giving you plenty of time to connect and imagine what the future will be like as your family grows.
Get our full list of sibling book favorites here.
2. Be a TEAM
Involve your kids in as much as possible and make space for their concerns, feelings and questions. Even if you don’t plan to use them, listen intently to their ideas for the new baby’s name and nursery decor. Take them shopping with you for newborn necessities and help them make out details in the ultrasound pictures. One thing that my oldest has loved with the addition of each baby is helping choose how we reveal the gender. We’ve done a cake with pink or blue frosting (#classic) every single time, but I knew it was something she felt part of, like she had a role in.
Once the baby arrives, find small jobs for big siblings. Maybe they are always the one to pass you the diaper or sing baby a nursery rhyme during tummy time. For older kiddos, maybe they keep the diaper caddy stocked or read the same book to baby every afternoon. Giving them a role, something consistent, helps them feel like a necessary part of the team.
And if you’re having an HBAC and plan to have your older ones present, there are lots of jobs you can give them to feel needed. Things like preparing snacks, refilling your water bottle, taking care of pets, getting towels ready, putting on your playlist and more will give them a place in the special experience.
Even though it’s such an exciting time, the big kiddos may not always feel that way. It’s important to gauge where their interest is and meet them there. Forcing them to talk about the baby or be involved might not yield the results you’re looking for. Instead, keep conversations with them about baby neutral, with lots of space for them to talk and you to listen. Answer all of their questions without judgment. And look for ways to match their interest level with a job they can help with.
3. Invest in a BABY CARRIER
Newborns like to be snuggled… a lot. One way to feel like you can still be present and involved in regular life is using a baby carrier. There are so many options that allow you to keep babe tucked in tight but also have your hands available for playing, cuddling and helping your big kids. Some of our team’s favorites include…
Baby Bjorn
A perfect option for those early newborn days, soft yet sturdy and super easy to put on and take off
LILLEbaby
A wrap-style carrier that’s easy to put on and take off, plus is perfect for newborns – 30 pounds
Ergobaby
Such a great all-purpose baby carrier that is sturdy, supportive and long-lasting, especially for outdoor adventures and traveling
Tula Preschool Carrier
A really fun (and practical) option for those bigger kiddos, allowing you to carry and bond with them just like you do with the new baby
4. Consider collecting COLOSTRUM at 37 weeks
Around our house, the first time a baby takes a bottle is super exciting for big siblings, and they usually like to help!
This is certainly not something you have to do, but it could be really helpful for several reasons (read more here). Making time to express colostrum can help plant the seed that you’ll be taking time to frequently feed baby when they arrive, which will certainly be a change of pace for everyone. This also helps your older kiddos “not blame” the baby for this time you are away from them, since they are getting exposed to it before that VBAC baby arrives. Additionally, having a small stash of colostrum not only gives your partner an opportunity to bond with and feed the baby, but it frees you up to play with Big Bro or Sis.
Our team members have used and loved these containers and this video for tips on collecting colostrum.
5. Help them feel PREPARED
You are going to be so busy with a newborn baby, and especially for your oldest child, this idea of taking care of a baby is probably really confusing! We love the idea of helping your kiddo feel a little more prepared by giving them their own baby doll with accessories. This special gift can facilitate conversation before the new baby even arrives about so many things – the size of baby, being gentle, diaper changes & other needs baby will have, what baby will wear and eat and so much more. This is also a fun way for big sibling to also care for “someone” at the same time you’re caring for baby.
6. Give a special BIG SIBLING GIFT
Becoming a big sibling is a big transition. There could be a lot of feelings, and our goal as parents is to encourage the positive ones. Most kiddos love receiving new toys, so we love the idea of having your new baby “gift” something special to their sibling (especially something that will keep them busy while you’re transitioning to a new baby in the home). Maybe this is something they get when they come to visit you at the hospital or when the baby arrives home.
Speaking of arriving home, consider not being the one to carry the new baby inside when you arrive home (this could cause older siblings to immediately feel jealous or resentful). Allow your partner or a grandparent the special privilege of holding the new arrival, while you can dedicate this time and space for your other kiddos. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your big kids seeing you hold the baby, they’ll certainly get used to that, but having you available to connect with them upon arrival will reassure them that while everything seemingly has changed, your love for them never will.
When selecting a gift from the baby, the most important consideration is, of course, your kiddos’ interests. Try getting a gift that will keep them interested over and over again and ideally, for longer periods of time, giving you as much time as possible for bonding with your new baby and a little self-care every now and then.
Some of our favorite big sibling gifts
Vehicle
What a super exciting gift this would be – your kids will be so thankful to baby for something like this! These are a lot of fun for younger kiddos (your oldest will probably age out of a vehicle like this around age five), and huge help if you have two young kids when you bring your baby home. Here is another option, which is well-loved, too! ProTip: make sure any of the vehicles you get either have a push component or a remote control so you don’t have to bend over with a little baby.
Water Table
This is a super fun idea, especially for the summer months (although, my kiddos have also been known to play with ours in the snow, too!). Water tables and accessories can truly provide extended independent play time!
Magnatiles / Magnetic Tiles
These have been the most used and played with toy in our house. If you don’t own a set, these are a great gift “from baby!” Magnetic tiles offer hours of playtime for everyone from 18 months old to 5+ year old kiddos. PLUS – these are developmental toys, helping curate those important STEM skills! If you own a set already, there are tons of add-ons like this set that could be perfect to compliment your collection.
Lego Sets
If your kiddo is into legos, any and all Lego sets make sense. So many kiddos in that 4-6 age range are totally independent with Legos, keeping them occupied for up to an hour. Plus, we all love how developmentally appropriate Legos are! Think about bigger building blocks like these for the younger ages (my two-year old will build all morning with these!).
Stickers
Stickers are the classic mess-free entertainment for nearly every age. I really like the puffy stickers that make it easier for younger kiddos with little fingers.
Big Sibling Kit
When our second baby was born, we gifted our daughter a “Big Sister Kit” when she came to the hospital. It was a way for us to help her feel special and prepared when all of the attention was on her little brother. Some ideas include
For even more big sibling gift ideas, check out our full list here.
7. Create a “BUSY BAG” for baby’s feedings
No matter how you choose to feed your baby, these brand new miracles need to eat very frequently! Especially if you have younger kiddos, keeping them occupied (safely and without mess) while baby is eating can be a challenge! We love the idea of keeping a special basket of fun that comes out only when it’s time for baby’s feedings. Think of things that are no set-up required, mess-free and quiet like…
…and a tasty treat that they don’t usually get might help, too! (fruit snacks, mini cookies, yogurt raisins)
ProTip: Visit the Dollar Store and Target Dollar Spot (located near the front of the store) for a ton of $1-5 activities and kits. They have so many options to keep kiddos busy during feedings, doctor appointments, restaurants and all of those places where waiting is so hard!
8. Take time for your big kid
And last but certainly not least (in fact, this may be the most impactful thing you do during this transition) – make quality time with your big kids a priority. In those first few days and weeks, this may only be a 10-minute period, but those few minutes can make all the difference. Set aside time to do something special together every day – maybe it’s sharing a muffin at breakfast, playing a card game while babe naps, having a yummy afternoon snack together, doing bath time routine or reading a special book at bedtime. Let your partner or postpartum support help with baby during these special times so that you can feel fully engaged with your big kiddo. And get an extra snuggle in there, too.
As much as we prepare for our VBAC journeys (which, I know, mama, is a LOT), our big kiddo is preparing a lot, too. Every time they touch your belly or see another gift come through the door. When Grandpa asks, “does that baby have a name yet” or their teachers wonder, “do you think baby is coming soon?” All of this newness and all of these questions, it adds up to quite a lot of pressure. Our little (soon to be big) babes are impatiently waiting for a new character in their story to arrive and then suddenly… one does and life changes. Forever.
And that change is good. Oh, mama, I promise you, it’s a magical, exponential growth of love in your heart and your family. But it can be a little tricky, too. So we hope you found these tips for transitioning from little to Big Sibling helpful.
As always, we want to leave you with this affirmation and a reminder…
What’s in my doula bag? The 10 Most Essential Items for Supporting VBAC Births